


Kitten Sneezes

by PatchworkIdeas



Series: CatKili [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: A Story Written in One-Shots with no Planned Ending, CatKíli, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22289803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: Kili's happy ever after does not go as planned.(It was not supposed to include any more furry adventures for a start)
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: CatKili [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604437
Comments: 18
Kudos: 36
Collections: GatheringFiKi - Winter FRE 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WinterFRE Response to Prompt Nr.154:  
> One or both get turned into an animal (bonus: pov of the person turned)

This is not part of the plan.

Kili has been looking forward to years and years of being by Fili's side, of wooing his brother and waking up next to him and holding him and saving him from his self-sacrifical streak while he is at it.

He can't do that as a cat. (He already has, for way too long. This was supposed to be _over_ )

And yet, despite Gandalf finally returning him to his real form just a few days ago, here he is again, as just that: a cat.

And no pesky elf to blame it on anywhere near.

The biggest difference this time around is that Fili is very much aware of who he is.  
There is a beat, a moment in time where his brother looks at him, silent, eyes growing wide in horror, staring at a cat covered in flour instead of his brother. 

Kili wonders if this is karma. Maybe they shouldn't have tried to steal those cookies (as much as they were baked in celebration of his return. They were his favourites and he should get to eat as many as he wants to!)  
Maybe he should have been more careful during his search and not knocked over that sack of flour...

Either way he was now stuck as cat _again_ and Gandalf had just left and - _achooooo_

And with the tickling in his nose subsiding just a bit, Kili has his hands again.  
Until he breathes in again, the blasted powder getting _everywhere_ , and another sneeze returns him to his furry form.  
Another sneeze. Hands and skin and desperately trying to find his feet.  
Another. Landing on paws again, the powder turning his fur white from head to toe.  
Another. Hands, feet, no tail.  
Another. Virtigo. Oh Mahal, it happens so fast that he can't catch up, can't adjust fast enough to get out of this unassuming cloud of death, can't find his feet in either form and why is his brother _laughing_?!! 

"Get. ME. OUT!" he just about manages between sneezes, interspersed with angry yowls and yet more kitten sneezes. 

Kili isn't sure if it's that which finally kicks his brother into pulling him up and out of the flour or the footsteps coming their way, drawn by all the noise they are making.  
Either way, they book it back to Fili's room, Kili safely hidden in his brother's arms. 

-

It's the sneezing. 

It doesn't matter if its due to something tickling his nose, due to sickness (and wasn't that fun to find out) or due to any other reason at all. 

If he sneezes, he changes. 

They write Gandalf again, after some experimentation; his brother way too amused at Kili's predicament now that he knows it isn't permanent. 

Kili has been using everything he learned as a cat to turn Fili into putty in his hands.  
Fili seems to very much enjoy doing the same by scratching his weak spots in cat form _just so_ , before making him sneeze and getting to see him all blessed out in his arms.  
Kili doesn't want to know what kind of dopey look he must have on his face whenever Fili does that trick, but it only happens in the sanctuary of their own room and it feels too good to put up more than a token resistance. 

They settle into a new pattern. They have to.  
Gandalf doesn't return, but his letter makes it clear that this is very likely a side effect of how long he had been under the curse. The magic had settled under his skin, in his bones, in his veins. Gandalf had removed the seal that was keeping him locked from his true form, but he can't extract the magic without risking permanently harming Kili in the process.  
The good news is that it's Kili's magic now. He can learn to control it.  
Theoretically at least. 

They end up having to tell their family and closest friends about it, but try to keep it secret outside. Too much chance of someone using such a blatant weakness to harm him. 

Kili has never been so aware how much he sneezes.  
It's such a little, unimportant thing, until it isn't. 

But it isn't all bad. 

Fili takes to it surprisingly well and admits that he can concentrate on his work much better when he has a lapful of Kili.  
Purring, kitty Kili. (Fili wouldn't get much work done otherwise.)  
And it gives Kili a good excuse for some extra naps here and there.  
Though he's not above intentionally sneezing when he wants some extra attention.  
Fili insists they need at least some kind of signal so that he doesn't end up ruining his work in the process (or have Kili's head painfully hit the underside of the table when he suddenly shoots up in height) and doesn't seem to mind when Kili settles on kneading him with his paws. 

Once, Fili doesn't scoot back when Kili makes his intentions clear, insisting that he needs to finish something first, and they both find out that there is plenty of room under the table for Kili to change, and little Fili can do to stop him when he decides to keep him right there, scooted all the way under the desk, while Kili sucks him off.  
Fili does manage to finish the report, but Kili is entirely too smug about the blush staining his One's cheeks when Thorin asks about the suddenly blotchy handwriting. 

And it does have other merits, once he learns to have better control over his sneezes.  
He can get to places nobody else can - plenty of doors with just enough room for a cat to squeeze under or airshafts winding all through the mountain. 

Nobody suspects a cat to be listening - or to be able to tell. 

At first he only uses it to find out juicy rumours or where Bombur hides the good stuff - but it isn't long until Nori catches on and asks him to gather information on his little excursions.  
Kili doesn't mind, he can help like this, protect his loved one's in a way no one else can. Fili is worried about his safety, but Kili is careful and a lot more used to this body then back when he first arrived - where he already managed to evade everyone before reaching Fili. 

He still has all the good parts of being a dwarf - he gets to be with Fili, can make his opinion known whenever he likes, he has _hands_ \- but he gets the good of his other form as well.  
The wicked sharp senses, the top-notch balance, the smaller, unassuming form, the claws, getting _everywhere_ and being cute enough that it's impossible to hold anything against him.  
Admittedly, the latter is not a skill he learned as a cat, or even mastered as one.  
It's just invaluable in both forms.

It's on a cold day, when they are out and about and Kili is safe and warm in Fili's jacket, getting carried around and listening to his One's heartbeat, that he admits to himself that maybe being a cat isn't such a curse anymore.  
He snuggles further into the jacket, ever closer, and feels wonderfully smug about the little gasp his brother still makes whenever Kili starts purring. 

Really, now that he has a choice, it's not such a bad thing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very interesting to see how my style changed over time. I tried getting as close as possible to the writing style I used for the initial story, but I think I just changed too much since then.  
> Nevertheless, writing in this style was an interesting challenge - though I do think I'm going to go back to my more recent style (and tense!) after this.  
> Either way, I hope you had fun reading ;-)


	2. How To Be An Alpha Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for Prompt Nr.31:  
> Pets
> 
> This one has some heavy references to the first story in the series, so reading that first might help in understanding the details. Not necessary if you are just here for the fluff though.

There was a cat on their bed.  
Black, fluffy fur, amber eyes, and a golden little bow to top it off.

Kili hated her and didn't know why.

Why, for starters, was she in their quarters?! She definitely wasn't a stray - like they occasionally took in until they could find them a better home. But those were pity cases, because Fili had a big heart and Kili was all too aware of how harsh life for a stray cat could be.  
This one wasn't a stray.  
She didn't look like she had lived through a single hard day in her short life; pampered, most likely, with the best food and personal groomers.  
She looked like she was here to stay. 

Kili slammed the door close, before stomping off to find his ass of a brother. 

-

"She was a gift. I can't give her away!" Fili tried to defend himself again.

"Am I not good enough anymore? Not cuddly enough? The strays are one thing but I'm not permanently sharing you with a pampered little princess!"  
Okay, so maybe Kili was going a bit overboard; knew he was going a bit overboard. It's not like the cat could turn into a dwarf and seduce his One or anything, regardless of how gorgeous her coat was. 

"Kili" a deep, deep sigh, accompanied by Fili pinching his nose in a move he must have picked up from their Uncle in one too many political session.  
"If I had refused her, we would have risked a war. She is a sign of good will, because I'm known for my love of cats - which is your fault by the way - and we are trying to establish good, long lasting trade routes with them. She doesn't replace you, but _she is here to stay._ " And to drive the point home, before Kili could try to have her put in another room at least, Fili took him by the shoulders, looked deep into his eyes and said: "Learn to get along with her!" before disappearing into his next meeting. 

Rude. 

Okay, so maybe Kili was feeling a bit neglected as it was. Those darn trade agreements had been taking up Fili's attention for weeks now. Thorin’s putting Fili in charge was an act of both trust and to prepare him for his future as king. And yes, the trade agreements _were_ important, no doubt, and Fili wanted to prove he could do a perfect job, sure, but that didn't have to mean he had to work 16 hours or more everyday, often in meetings that Kili wasn't welcome in (even if it weren't for the fact that he started to get testy after four hours of dry political prancing without so much as a single break.) It wasn't unusual for them to run for eight hours, though Kili tended to interrupt even if he wasn't in them when they hit ten. Nobody could tell him they could still think straight at that point. 

Which still left him with a strange cat in their bedroom. One he apparently had to get along with on a permanent basis.  
Great.  
He prepared himself, bringing both food (chicken, because he wasn't cruel and the so called cat food made even him want to puke) and a couple of toys back to their room.  
He could buy another cat bed, but, seriously, his was only a facade anyway, so fine, she could have that.  
... Better than her sleeping on the bed with them.  
Steeling himself he opened the door and stepped through before he could change his mind.  
And of course, that was exactly where she was sleeping. On Fili's pillow. Because of course she would be. 

Close up he could see that she wasn't quite as big as he had first expected (there was _a lot_ of fur) and was probably not yet fully grown, though not quite a baby anymore either.  
She was cute, he admitted grudgingly, and if it wasn't for his own furry secret he would have been all over her and called her the best present in the world. Much more useful than yet another golden paper weight or some other just as useless trinket.  
If Fili hadn't been so stupidly busy lately, and Kili not quite as lonely, maybe they would have joked about her being a companion for Kili instead, a little kitty sister so that Kili would know the pain of being an older brother for once.  
Instead he just felt alone, left with a cat that his brother definitely didn't have time to care for, but probably would have to for appearance sake, even if it cut into his already diminished time with Kili. 

None of that was the kitten’s fault. 

"Did he even bother to give you a name yet?" Kili sighed, sitting down on the bed and placing his hand close by, but not actually touching. He was considering what would be better, introducing himself as her (most likely) primary care taker or as a cat first, when she woke up, sniffed at his fingers and promptly rubbed her head all over them, already purring.  
Damn, that was one affectionate cat. 

No wonder, he supposed, they wouldn't have given Fili anything but the most friendly and cute cat they could get, considering he had gained something of a reputation for openly cuddling with his _“cat”_ regardless of where he was.  
The strays had originally been a ploy of theirs. As long as Fili was seen with "his" cat while Kili was also around, any unfortunate rumors from the few people aware of what he had been were easily quenched. It didn't have to be often - it was generally assumed Kili just wasn't quite the cat type and Fili just didn't want to live without one anymore. Not the first person to fall in love with cats after their first after all. 

Absentmindedly he noticed how soft the fur under his fingers was when she climbed into his lap and settled there. Kili wondered if he purred that hard that one time they experimented with catnip. Fili insisted he was a joy on it and it had been fun in a way, but afterwards it left an all too sour taste in his mouth. It reminded him too much of the last time he was affectionate without choosing to be. He had sworn off of any mind altering substances since his return and catnip was no exception.  
Maybe this little ball of fluff would have more fun with it. 

Carefully scooting back onto the bed to make himself comfortable, he kept petting the soft black fur, finding himself telling her about his worries for Fili and how things would be once his brother was actually king. 

Kili couldn't help as much as he wanted to sometimes. Gandalf had, if barely, managed to talk Thorin out of a war in Kili's behalf. Everyone had been furious about what the Elves had done to him, but they just didn’t have the resources to make that a war easily won. Never mind what it would do for their families reputation if it came out just how easily Kili had been snared. They couldn’t afford to seem weak-willed or easy to control.

Instead, the truth had been kept under wraps. Which was fortunate, after they had found that Kili could still change and open knowledge of that would have painted a giant target on his back. But that still meant that he had apparently left the mountain for years, in its most important and work intensive time, only to return when everything was running all but smoothly.  
He could support Fili as his One, try to help with paperwork, bring to light all kinds of dark secrets during his cat excursions... But he couldn't take part in politics anymore. He had lost the trust of their people.  
It wasn't such a bad thing normally; he had never enjoyed those games, dancing around instead of saying what he actually meant, but it left him unable to help, in times like these. 

"I mean, I enjoy running around as a cat, thwarting all kinds of nefarious plots long before they get off the ground, but... I hate feeling _useless_."  
He sighed, letting his head crash against the headboard, and whispered: "Almost as much as I hate being alone."  
The concerned meow made him look down, chuckling again. "How long have you been in here anyway? You must be hungry by now, mh? Come on." He lifted the fur ball, carrying her the way he loved to be carried, before setting her down in front of the food and water bowl. They had been his, once upon a time, but it wasn't like he ever used them anymore. They were clean, dusted religiously, just in case of visitors. It helped that Fili had chosen beautiful ones, hand-painted with birds for the food bowl and fish for the water bowl. Fili had taken good care of him, even if he hadn't known who he was.  
He filled her bowl with the same care now, filling it with fresh water from the pitcher set out for them. They had their private bathroom of course, but it was always nice to have fresh water without braving the cold tiles under often barefoot toes. 

Now came the hard part. 

He made sure she saw him putting in the food, but kept her away with one hand, a task made harder by her excited wiggling. When he was done, he stretched out his arm, let go and deliberately sneezed. He had placed himself between the kitten and her bowls before she had gotten over her shock.  
While there had been nothing but happy purring before, she now jumped up, her fur puffing up until she looked double her size and her back arched in obvious fear. She stumbled backwards a bit, never taking her eyes off of him. Kili kept himself calm and in control, starring her down. If his experience with the strays from before was anything to go by, she would launch herself at him any moment now. 

Except she didn't. 

She kept looking at him, dancing and jumping back and worth for a long time, but when he made no move to attack her first, she slowly settled down, cocking her head in question before inching herself towards him, body low to the ground.  
Kili didn't quite know what to make of this reaction - no cat before had ever _not_ tried to attack him, he always thought it must have been due to the curse or something, but there was no hint of aggression here. He felt his tail twitch and move without his permission, both confused and weirdly endeared by this admittedly adorable behavior. When she was close, she started sniffing at him, wiggling her butt, once she even tried to bat at him with her paw! 

... Was she trying to _play_? 

He knew what was necessary to subdue an aggressive feral cat, but felt somewhat out of his depth with a playful, adorable kitten. So he settled on an in between. Carefully pinning her head to the ground with his paw, using only a hint of his strength to keep her still, he did the only thing that settled down any cat, regardless of how wild: he groomed her.  
The feeling of fur under his tongue had long since lost its strangeness and he had picked it up from one of the first strays they took in. One that had beaten his ass because he hadn't known how to fight and use his ability to his advantage yet. The male had been pissed when he refused to submit afterwards and it didn't take long for Kili to catch on and use the same technique on other strays - usually after he cowed them in a mix of his human and cat form (cat fights were... complicated. Especially without anyone who could actually teach him. And fighting dirty was better than having a cat all but order him around.)  
This reaction, at least, was more familiar, if still not quite normal.  
She purred like her life depended on it and rag-dolled beneath him, obviously enjoying his attention. 

What a weird cat. 

He indulged her a moment more, just to be sure, before letting her up - ignoring her playful jumping up and after him, stumbling over her own feet in her eagerness.  
He drank and took a tiny nibble of the fresh food, just so that no question could remain who was the boss between them, before moving aside and letting her eat.  
She seemed to appreciate the good meat he had gotten her, and ate fast and sloppily. He tried to gently nudge her, show her how to eat more cleanly at least, but while she copied him as best as she could, it was clear he would be on cleaning duty for quite a few days yet. The bowls were pretty, but not optimal for an actual cat it seemed.  
This time when he sneezed she only jumped for a second, spilling some of the water, looking up at him with her big eyes, before promptly returning to her food, his magic trick already losing its shock value. 

Cleaning up was an ordeal - she kept trying to climb him like a tree, not a hint of fear. More than once he almost stumbled over her while she prostrated herself before him. She kept jumping up and batting at him again, wiggling ass and weird dance moves and high pitched meows making it impossible to stay mad at her when he almost dropped the precious bowls, as he did a little hop over the suddenly-in-front-of-his-feet kitten.

Eventually, once the mess was almost completely cleared, he gave in, grabbed the toys, and let her hunt a mouse on a string, chuckling at her blatant misjumps and her giant eyes. It took a few tries, but her soft growls and odd wiggling around the mouse when she finally caught it made him laugh out loud, happy and carefree.  
"What a silly cat you are, mhh? Silly, silly cat." After grabbing a similar toy on a string and pinning it to the table while she was busy, he sneezed, caught her attention, and processed to show her how it's done. He might not have wanted a little kitty sister, but that was no excuse for not teaching her all he could about mastering her own body. 

-

The click of the door woke him in the darkness. Soft, warm fur nestled next to his chest, an occasionally rolling purr making the tiny body vibrate. He must have fallen asleep, exhausted by all the training. How did a little ball of fluff contain so much energy?  
He felt his brother gently trying to pull the duvet over him in the darkness, presumably before joining him as well - or before moving into Kili's old room, to work some more without the light disturbing Kili’s rest.  
"I'm awake" Kili said into the stillness, hearing his brother sigh before the bed dipped behind him and a warm hand settled onto his brow, stroking his hair in a motion not unlike how he petted Kili as a cat. 

"I'm sorry I'm so late. You didn't need to stay up for me." Kili snorted at that. The only time he didn't wait up for him was when he got impatient and collected Fili himself. 

"Are you coming to bed or not?" 

Fili hummed, thoughtful, before sighing. "Just give me a minute to get ready, okay?" 

His brother's weight left the bed, for the bathroom according to the doors click, and Kili removed his own clothing, counting the seconds while he thoughtlessly threw them on the floor. He would deal with them tomorrow, but he wouldn't risk Fili deciding that he could get around sleeping just because Kili left the bed. At 40 seconds he gave his little fur ball a gentle scratch behind the ears, in reaction to her annoyed grumbling about all the movement. He didn't have the heart to throw her out and into her own bed, and figured one night wouldn't hurt.  
At 53 seconds, the bathroom door opened again, and at 57 Fili slipped in behind him, pulling him close to his chest and almost catching their new pet in the process. He could hear Fili’s confusion, but Kili just pulled the warm ball of fluff closer, until she was settled next to him again, purring lowly before promptly falling back asleep. At least he seemed to have worn her out somewhat.  
The short pause spoke volumes between them, but it was a different question that made it out. 

"Does she have a name yet?" Fili murmured in his ear, and Kili had his proof of how exhausted his brother must be, to not even remember his own story anymore.

"Sili. Because she's a silly cat but she's ours now." There was a short break, waiting for a reaction, but only getting a sleepy hum in return, his brother almost gone already.  
He should let him sleep, he knew he should, but... 

"She wasn't a political gift," he stated matter of fact, already knowing the answer, "you got her for me." 

Fili flinched and Kili could see his guilty grimace in his mind, the admonished look when Kili caught him. They had plenty experience lying to others, built from years of unsanctioned adventures and pranks nobody ever could prove, but they both tried not to lie to each other if they could help it.  
... But Kili had kinda forced his hand, accosting him in the halls like that, just before his next meeting. 

"...Do you still hate her? I thought she would be very useful in keeping your secret at least?" She did look remarkably alike to his other form, Kili had to admit. Maybe that had been part of why he had reacted so strongly initially. 

"No." he answered determinedly. "She can stay. But not because of that. Just...Don't try to replace yourself with a cat either, you know."  
And that was what it came down to, wasn't it? Sili couldn't replace Kili, but she sure as hell couldn't replace Fili either, couldn't actually quell the loneliness of weeks of barely seeing his One, despite living and sleeping in the same room. He could barely remember the last time they just went out of the mountain together, like they used to. He missed it. He missed Fili.  
His brother pulled him closer, as attuned to Kili as Kili was to him. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm going to take more time off, balance this more. Its just... This is my first big solo project, you know? If I screw this up, everything following will just get harder." Kili tried not to grimace, all too aware of the pressure his brother was under, now that he was essentially the only viable heir. Fili had gotten used to it before, of course, he had to, but he hadn't needed to balance it with a partner. Fili hadn’t had anyone stopping him from working himself to death in his grief. Kili tried to swallow, that stone still heavy in his chest some days. 

"I know. And I'm sorry, too, but you can't keep doing this." He gripped Fili's hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing them to his lips for a kiss. "You can't help anyone if you work yourself to death. And they will work you to death if you don't stand up and stop them. So _please_..." Fili breathed out through his nose, body rigid before finally going languid, relaxing in submission. 

"Okay. You’re right. I could barely even think straight today anymore, anyway" He chuckled before gently continuing, little more than a murmur close to Kili's ear. "I'll make some changes tomorrow. One day a week off, for sleeping in." 

"Two days. _At least._ " 

"... Two then. And we can go out into the markets, or maybe go hunting. Just the two of us."  
Kili hummed in victory, snuggling deeper into Fili's chest, rumbling in pleasure. 

"That sounds lovely. It's a promise then. " And Fili laughed and agreed, kissing his neck and squeezing him close. 

Kili stayed awake just long enough to hear Fili’s breathing settle, his brother and One falling deep into the sleep he so desperately needed.  
His last thought was that Fili wasn't so different from his new kitten in a way - Kili just had to love him into submission.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](https://patchworkideas.tumblr.com/post/190310231845/kitten-sneezes-patchworkideas-the-hobbit-all)


End file.
